Sorrow.

This is my mom. She's 68 years old and three weeks ago she was diagnosed with stage IV gastric cancer and it's spread to her liver, kidneys, and abdominal wall.
She's headstong, very brave and very determined. I, however, am weak and scared and sad. I'm finding it very hard to stay positive about this. It's not easy to fix my mind on an outcome that contradicts that of the doctors and the research.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the power of belief in numbers.
I'm sure I studied similar theories in philosophy classes in college, so I'm not claiming this as an original idea, I just can't remember the name of the school of thought that it belongs to.
In the days of yore, before the age of scientific discovery, religion and spirituality were more widely accepted because the idea of scientific proof was not yet defined.
These days, most people believe in ideas and concepts (like flight, for example) because, if they need to, they can research physics and aeronautics and such and really understand what is happening when they take off, cruise, and land safely in a 767.
Here's what makes sense to me: It takes a certain amount of people who believe in one thing (anything) to make that thing exist.
Enough people believe in flight. It makes sense. We can prove that it works scientifically.
On a smaller scale, we all believe that pudding exists. We've seen it, maybe we've eaten it. It's really not a wonder at all.
Before the Age of Reason, maybe there WERE miracles. No one was looking for proof. Enough people could join together and hope for something and, in effect, believe that thing into existence.
You know - like that stuff in the Bible. Like when Moses parted the Red Sea. The Israelites had been enslaved for years by the Egyptians. They didn't need to prove anything, they just decided that they were getting the f-outta that dark and evil place! There were no exceptions! It was escape or death! (And, they believed themselves to be special - God's chosen people. But, I'm trying to keep this thing secular. . .) So, all of them, together with Moses, had heard and believed that they would be delivered to a promised land, right? They knew they were gonna get there (through prophecy - which also didn't need to be proven). It was only a matter of how they would get there -- And it was a matter of urgency. The only path possible was through the Red Sea. So that's how they escaped! The all put their heads together and believed that the idea that Moses had (with help from God, if you'd like to go there) was a perfectly feasible one in every way, shape, and form. And the sea parted and they escaped from Egypt.
Maybe you can define God as: a common righteous thought held between as many people as define the common good.
Maybe.
Maybe pudding didn't exist back then because nobody thought of it and no one needed it urgently.
If I continue consider this theory, I may deduce that recent catastrophic world events may be caused, in essence, by a common fear among many.
Maybe you can define Evil as: a common fear held between as many people as define the common good.
This what terrorism is trying to achieve.
Terrorism is trying to turn God evil by showing the common good as many terrifying events as possible, therefore creating an outbreak of fear, which will eventually force us to create own destruction. The righteous thoughts that we had once held in common will drown in fear.
You guys!! We can't let this happen!!
This is what is meant when someone says, "stay positive!"
In this situation, with my mom, I find myself in fear. I have heard too many negative things about Cancer and I have read things on the internet that fuel my fear.
Its going to take a lot of effort to stay positive, but I know that is what I need to do. But will enough people join my righteous thought in order to define the common good and therefore cause a miracle? It's hard to believe in miracles! They are unbelievable!
In order to change the fate of my mother, it's going to take a lot of people believing in an outcome that cannot be scientifically proven.
It's gonna take God.
It's REALLY HARD to believe in God.
And this is what fills me with sorrow.
. . .according to my theory
. . .which can't be proven.

I am such a weirdo.