sweatin' with oldies

I don't like to fly. I usually take Amtrak. At Laguardia, first my cabbie took me to the Marine Air Terminal because he thought I was going on Delta Shuttle. I'm glad I don't fly back and forthe between NY and Boston or Washington, becuase the Marine Air Terminal does not seem like a REAL airport. (For some reason, my dad's hp pavillion ze4800 is opposed to the "return" key, so you will have to excuse the lack of paragraphs and expressive spacing in this post.) Anyway, I got to the REAL Delta terminal. They confiscated my little tiny cuticle scissors at security, of course. I shouldn't have brough 'em. My flight was taking off at gate three. I called Mat for comfort because I am a scared freakshow about air travel. Flying doesn't yet make sense to me scientifically. I haven't yet taken the time to really understand the physics and engineering of it all. Until then, I avoid boarding a plane at all costs. That's the way I function. Trains and cars are easy to understand. Planes will take some time and research. I feel like a 1920's skeptic, afraid to go up in one of those crazy flying machines. . .I walked up and down the terminal as I talked to Mat. "OH my GOOD LORD. I just passed Richard Simmons!" I exclaimed, "He SMILED RIGHT AT ME!!" Richard Simmons proceeds to totally WORK the CROWD!!! He takes photos with everyone, he autographs everything, he smiles incessantly!! Richard Simmons is AMAZING!!! He loves everyone!! He jokes around!! But most importantly, he is Richard Simmons ALL the TIME. That is his character! He's not one of those personalities that turns off! He asks some lady where she's going. She says, "Atlanta!!" He says, "What are you doing going there??? All those biscuits and gravy and all that fat!!!" He scans the room with his eagle eye for signs of unhealth. He hones-in on a man across the room with a candy bar. Code ORANGE!! He goes into stealth defense mode. No one will be influenced by this man's terrifying display. "WHAT ARE YOU EATING!!!!," screams Richard. "A candy bar. I was hungry!" "Put it down. Put down the candy bar. Please put it down." Richard Succeeds. Simmons for Homeland Security Advisor. I wasn't scared at all when I got on the plane, thanks to Richard Simmons.

Oh, now the "return" key works.

Look at that.

No, I'm not gonna edit this post. I have to go shopping for groceries. Tonight I will prove to Mat that I am not a terrible cook by making delicious pesto and pine nut veggie lasagne.

Dinner is at, like, 8pm. I have 8 hours.

God help me.

inauguration day

I am trying to remember if I've ever done anything out of spite.

Okay, here's one. In sixth grade I was resentful towards my music teacher, Ms. White. Music had been my favorite subject in elementary school. It just wasn't the same vibe in Jr. High. It had a rigid curriculum and Ms. White was a disciplinarian more than a lover of music. We played autoharp, like, only once and I was the only one who was excited about it. I was not making good grades in music class. I resented Ms. White for this and one day in homeroom, the girl who was the "Be Fri" to my "st ends" drew a picture of a cow and handed it to me. I wrote on the picture, "Ms. White is a fat cow in a blender." "Be Fri" gave it to the guy she liked. He laughed and passed it around the room. Everyone thought it was hilarious, right?. Right. Until some sixth grade jerk head gave it to Ms. White. Me and "Be Fri" were called up to Ms. White's desk when the bell rang at the end of homeroom. In the most generous act of friendship, "Be Fri" took the blame for me in this case. She saved my life and my grade, okay.

I did something out of spite. I wrote something idiotic about a teacher in homeroom when I was 12.

My best friend took the blame for it. She did that because she cared. That was great, wasn't it? Yeah, but not the point of this story.

The point is, I'm 27. Do people around my age still do things out of spite? I'm just wondering.

I have this petrifying fear that adults still do things out of spite. Really, it's quite disabling.

Oh my good lord, imagine if half of the unfortunate things that happened to you on a daily basis were actually subconsciously inflicted upon you and the other half of unfortunate things that happened to you were consciously inflicted upon you by someone who resented you for some reason.

Wow. Human's really put up those defences, huh? We really sabotage things that seem threatening to us, don't we?

Oh, that's right! I learned from some movie or something that bullies are just really sensitive people.

Oh my, lovers, think of all the magnificence that the world is capable of were it not for bullies or hateful, jealous people. . .

Crap.
That makes me hateful.
I really resent malicious people.

Come to think of it, maybe I am spiteful towards the haters.

I'm kind to hatahs out of spite!

I'm not a lover after all!

If I were a lover, I would cherish everyone's personality unconditionally. With a knowing chuckle, I would revel in humanity as I told an amusing anecdote, right?

"You know Willy Martzipan*!! He is so funny. When Sheila McRosen* left him stranded at the altar, he went to her house and set fire to that prize orchid collection that she had been cultivating since her mother died when she was nine! Willy came back to the bar after he'd done it sporting the most hilarious shit-eating grin and his face was framed by a kind-of orchid crown that he had made outta some of 'em!!! We all passed around the orchid crown and who ever was wearing it had to do 3 everclear shots and a car bomb! We were all SO WASTED!! Poor guy. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!"

If I were an unconditional philanthropist, I would be able to say, "That's just Willy. That's just the way he is!"

I resent spitefulness. It is infantile.

People hurt other people. That's always going to happen. There are millions of different personality energies out there. These energies are charged in such a way that they attract some people and repel others. The energies are always evolving, too, so the attraction and repulsion can switch around depending on the circustances surrounding the personality. That is a way of life. Some people will never get along. Some people get along at first, then grow apart. These personality differences can lead to destruction, but it's on deeper level. It's more subconscious. Only half the time it is conscious.

Spite is the infliction if conscious damage upon another person for revenge. That's my definition.

I'm from Atlanta. I guess I was influenced by the Southern, "Kill 'em with kindness" routine.

Speaking of Atlanta, I have to go catch a plane.

I'm meeting Mat, my extraordinary boyfriend, in Atlanta. He's a playwright and The Alliance Theatre is doing a reading of a play that he wrote. Pretty cool, huh?

I don't have to kill him with kindness. He's not a hatah.


*It's so clever how I made up these names, isn't it.

pre post

What's up.
I just moved here from the Improv Resource Center, where I began to write.

I started writing in the Journals by Improvisers forum in September of Aught Four.

That was a journal, though.

This is a blog.
The only difference being this looks way cooler with all the templature.
My templature has gone WAY up and now I totally have writing fever.
So read on.
It'll always get better.
Not my fever.
My fever never drops. . .
My beats do.
Drop.
Dew drop.
My fevered beats are like dew drops, people.

Drink.