inauguration day

I am trying to remember if I've ever done anything out of spite.

Okay, here's one. In sixth grade I was resentful towards my music teacher, Ms. White. Music had been my favorite subject in elementary school. It just wasn't the same vibe in Jr. High. It had a rigid curriculum and Ms. White was a disciplinarian more than a lover of music. We played autoharp, like, only once and I was the only one who was excited about it. I was not making good grades in music class. I resented Ms. White for this and one day in homeroom, the girl who was the "Be Fri" to my "st ends" drew a picture of a cow and handed it to me. I wrote on the picture, "Ms. White is a fat cow in a blender." "Be Fri" gave it to the guy she liked. He laughed and passed it around the room. Everyone thought it was hilarious, right?. Right. Until some sixth grade jerk head gave it to Ms. White. Me and "Be Fri" were called up to Ms. White's desk when the bell rang at the end of homeroom. In the most generous act of friendship, "Be Fri" took the blame for me in this case. She saved my life and my grade, okay.

I did something out of spite. I wrote something idiotic about a teacher in homeroom when I was 12.

My best friend took the blame for it. She did that because she cared. That was great, wasn't it? Yeah, but not the point of this story.

The point is, I'm 27. Do people around my age still do things out of spite? I'm just wondering.

I have this petrifying fear that adults still do things out of spite. Really, it's quite disabling.

Oh my good lord, imagine if half of the unfortunate things that happened to you on a daily basis were actually subconsciously inflicted upon you and the other half of unfortunate things that happened to you were consciously inflicted upon you by someone who resented you for some reason.

Wow. Human's really put up those defences, huh? We really sabotage things that seem threatening to us, don't we?

Oh, that's right! I learned from some movie or something that bullies are just really sensitive people.

Oh my, lovers, think of all the magnificence that the world is capable of were it not for bullies or hateful, jealous people. . .

Crap.
That makes me hateful.
I really resent malicious people.

Come to think of it, maybe I am spiteful towards the haters.

I'm kind to hatahs out of spite!

I'm not a lover after all!

If I were a lover, I would cherish everyone's personality unconditionally. With a knowing chuckle, I would revel in humanity as I told an amusing anecdote, right?

"You know Willy Martzipan*!! He is so funny. When Sheila McRosen* left him stranded at the altar, he went to her house and set fire to that prize orchid collection that she had been cultivating since her mother died when she was nine! Willy came back to the bar after he'd done it sporting the most hilarious shit-eating grin and his face was framed by a kind-of orchid crown that he had made outta some of 'em!!! We all passed around the orchid crown and who ever was wearing it had to do 3 everclear shots and a car bomb! We were all SO WASTED!! Poor guy. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!"

If I were an unconditional philanthropist, I would be able to say, "That's just Willy. That's just the way he is!"

I resent spitefulness. It is infantile.

People hurt other people. That's always going to happen. There are millions of different personality energies out there. These energies are charged in such a way that they attract some people and repel others. The energies are always evolving, too, so the attraction and repulsion can switch around depending on the circustances surrounding the personality. That is a way of life. Some people will never get along. Some people get along at first, then grow apart. These personality differences can lead to destruction, but it's on deeper level. It's more subconscious. Only half the time it is conscious.

Spite is the infliction if conscious damage upon another person for revenge. That's my definition.

I'm from Atlanta. I guess I was influenced by the Southern, "Kill 'em with kindness" routine.

Speaking of Atlanta, I have to go catch a plane.

I'm meeting Mat, my extraordinary boyfriend, in Atlanta. He's a playwright and The Alliance Theatre is doing a reading of a play that he wrote. Pretty cool, huh?

I don't have to kill him with kindness. He's not a hatah.


*It's so clever how I made up these names, isn't it.